Having the “Talk” About Divorce

There are several topics that invite instant reactions, and divorce is a big one. In the family-centered culture of southern Utah County, when you and your spouse are facing separation and divorce, not only are you grieving the loss of your expectations of a forever family unit, but you may feel very alone or even ostracized. In the midst of this tangle of emotions, there comes the dreaded conversation about telling your family and friends that you are divorcing.

Telling your kids that you are getting divorced

As difficult as divorce is, it is compounded when there are children in the family, many of whom cannot understand the ins and outs about divorce. The younger the child, the more difficult it is for them to understand that they are not to blame, what divorce will mean to them, and how they will still be loved after the family splits up.

The primary focus for parents when telling their children that they are divorcing is to present a unified front, make sure that the children know that they are not to blame, and, most importantly, assure them that they will be loved throughout the process. As with all things important that you tell your kids, this topic will need regular revisits to make sure that your children haven’t internalized false perceptions about your divorce.

Telling the extended family that you’re getting divorced

One of the painful realities of divorce is that you are not only losing a companion, you often lose your in-laws and meaningful relationships that you’ve formed over the time that you were married as well as are likely to see changes in your circles of friends.

Telling your family and social circle that your marriage is ending can be intimidating and painful. Most people naturally are drawn to taking sides in these conversations, and while it is wonderful that your bestie is completely supportive and a safe person to whom you can vent, ex-bashing is simply non-conducive to healthy communication and moving forward.

Watch your tone on social media

“Never make public disparaging remarks about your ex on social media,” advises a top divorce attorney in the Provo, Utah family law practice, Larsen Law Firm. “This is a terrible idea. We always monitor social media for information about our clients and their soon to be ex-spouses, and we know that when we face the other divorce lawyer in Provo courtrooms that they have as well.”